And So God Made the Horse

This is another one of those articles I SOOO wish I could take credit for writing. I pulled it off of Eventing Nation. It originally appeared in "The Chronicle of the Horse."
Grab a tissue.
Enjoy.
(Oh...and the image I pulled off the internet.)


After making the little girl, God said:

“You’ll need something to lean on. Something with substance that will teach you the value of hard work, perseverance, and to never give up. A thing that won’t cast judgment when you mess up in life. Because you will often, it’s just part of growing up and becoming a decent human.

“You’ll need something whose impressive physical presence must be respected at all times. A being who could break your bones in a whisper but will never break your heart. A creature who will be there for you when you cry for hours after someone you love lets you down. An unspeaking breathing being that will teach you to check all the noise in your head and completely listen to what he is saying.

“Sometimes in life you need to let go and just hang on. I call this trust. The terrifying ability to follow something blindly out of the conviction of only your heart. It will keep you centered and restore your faith when life happens. When you realize that you are forgettable to the world you won’t be to this creature.

“Something that will keep you truly humbled yet teach you how to fly!

“You need to understand the painful reality of death. Sometimes it’s ok to let go. That kindness will always be rewarded before the use of force. And that courage means trusting him to get you safely to the other side.

“Something to get you out of bed in the trying times. When you feel like you have nothing he will remind you that you are still wanted. Something to give you perspective about what’s really important in life.

“You’ll need a best friend. Do not take this relationship lightly. It just might save your life someday when you see no out. Treasure it always I’m trusting it to you to take care of for a reason.

“A creature who will restore your faith about all of the goodness in the world even when you are so broken down that you cast Me aside.

“In turn with time and healing he will bring you back to Me. Know that your struggle won’t be made alone, and don’t forget to enjoy the ride.

So I will make a horse.”

Miracles DO Happen

If you read my last post, you know that things have been a bit rough the past few months. I closed my business, and since then I've gone back to my old standby: waiting tables. It's definitely a love/hate relationship. One of the things I love is finishing each shift with cash in my hands. One of the things I hate is the misconception so many folks have about how servers make money. I could write 10,000 words on that topic, but that's another post. For the purpose of this post, what you need to know is this: Servers make $2.63 per hour. Uncle Sam usually takes all of that for tax purposes. Basically if you don't get tipped, you don't get paid. In addition, there is this nifty little thing called tip share, which means that a percentage of the tips I do get goes to other workers in the restaurant, such as the hosts, the bartenders, etc...SO...if you only give me a 10% tip, I don't even see all of that. Some nights are good; some nights are bad. Some nights, even if you're really busy, if the tips are bad (even if you weren't) you don't make much money.
There are a lot of things that can affect the amount of money you make; one of the worst is when it's just a slow night. I can control the kind of service I give a table; I can't control how many people come in the restaurant.
Last Saturday night was one of those nights I had no control over. It was slow. I, however, was really on my game. It was one of those nights where I felt like I was really connecting with the customers I did have and was actually enjoying some of the conversations I was engaging in. One of the tables I was enjoying chatting with was a table of four, made up of two couples that were probably in their 50's. I was able to joke around with them, and even talk about my favorite topic, my son. They were taking their time with their meal and enjoying a night out. When the time came for me to drop off their check, I asked if they needed me to split it up. The gentleman I'd been joking around with the most, said, "No, I get it." I dropped off the bill and moved on to check on my other customers.
What happened next is the stuff of legend. The kind of thing you see on YouTube or read about on the internet. I think I even saw a story about it on "World News Tonight."
The check was paid and as I went back by the table, the gentleman handed the payment book back to me. When I got to the computer to enter my tip and close out that table's check, what I saw almost knocked me off my feet. I literally stood there staring at the credit card slip in disbelief. After what seemed like forever, I burst into tears. My customer had left me a $100 tip, which was over 100% of what the bill was. I was blown away. My little family has been through so much, and there hasn't been an overabundance of kindness. To think that a stranger would do that for me...I still can't really get my mind around it.
When you go through tough times, especially when it's because of your own bad decisions, you really start to feel like a failure and a bad person and a worthless human being. A line from "Pretty Woman" has played over and over in my head. In it Julia Roberts is talking to Richard Gere about how she ended up being a prostitute, and she says about herself, "It's so much easier to believe the bad things." It's so true! You start to let your circumstances define you. I have definitely let mine!
Once I composed myself, I headed back over to the table to say, "Thank you!" This was definitely one of those times when words seemed completely inadequate. Of course, as I tried to find them, I ended up crying all over again and telling the table how much the tip meant and how hard things had been: the failed business, the living with in-laws. As he got up to leave the very kind gentleman said to me, "Hang in there. Keep trying. Most people are afraid to even step up to home plate."
Wow. I still get teary. And what I really what him to know (if by some chance he's reading this) is that one simple sentence meant more to me than the money ever could. Don't get me wrong, the money was wonderful and very much needed, but the validation meant even more. It was a word of affirmation from a God-sent angel!
So to everyone out there who is doubting, down-trodden, beaten...well, miracles do happen. Especially when you least expect it. Hang in there; keep swimming; and keep stepping up to the plate.
Until next time...

Don't Read This! (If you can't handle a harsh dose of reality.)

Be forewarned: this blog will not be the normal happy, go for it, funny, life is good blog you're used to reading here. Writing has always been a kind of therapy for me. And if writing about the difficult things helps someone else as well, all the better.
It's amazing how quickly things can change. I know life is like that, a river that is forever changing, and I know what I just said is yet another cliche. However, I have found that life is one very large cliche. And I sit here wondering how I could have missed that one simple truth: that most cliches are true. Whether we want to admit that or not, they are. My life is proof.
I also used to wonder how "normal," hard working, folks could ever possibly end up homeless. Now I know. After a series of bad decisions that led to two failed businesses, bankruptcy, repossessions, and financial ruin, my husband, son and I find ourselves living in a bedroom in my in-laws house, quite literally one step from the street. Each day reduced to simply trying to dig your way out of a very large hole, like trying to fill a bottle with sand one grain at a time. It's agonizing, miserable and hard.
Very quickly you learn what you can do without, that so much of what you thought you needed, was really only what you wanted. There is a big difference.  "It's not having what you want; it's wanting what you have."
You also find out who your friends are. As someone who has always worked with the public, and volunteered, and been very "out there," I thought I had "TONS" of friends. Friends and acquaintances are not the same thing. Friends are business associates are not the same thing. Even friends and family are not the same thing. It's sad how many strings you discover when you lose everything. It's even more sad how many "friends" either disappear all together or even worse, show their true colors. Suddenly the vast numbers are reduced to single digits. It's shocking and tragic and hurtful all at once.
But Somehow in the midst of all the pain and all the change and all the loss, a certain kind of freedom begins to emerge and with it, a strange strength.. Don't misunderstand me. There are so many things I wish I could do over. So many things I wish I could have back, and I'm not just talking about material things, but relationships as well. But in the midst of all the hurt and sorrow and depression, I have learned how strong I can be and I have learned who I can really trust, who my friends really are, and what is really important. No, life is not easy, but is it ever? Even when things are "good," isn't life still hard. Of course it is. What matters is figuring out what really matters and finding the truth, and learning to rise above it and just keep swimming.
Cliches all, but true.
Here's to happier, better musings next time.